By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman

Experience is the lesson you learn right after you really need it.

If at first you don’t succeed, then sky diving definitely isn’t for you.
Unknown

Some cause happiness wherever they go; other whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde

Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

My hair is always at its best in New York. I don’t know what’s in the water. It could be mousse.
ELLEN DEGENERES

True friends stab you in the front.
Oscar Wilde

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
George Ade

When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.
Robert Bresson

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

If beauty were time, you’d be an eternity.

Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you’re a psycho? Yes.
Greg Focker